Book: 20210323 to 20210420, "How Children Succeed" by Paul Tough
20210323 - Introduction
I always know that high IQ is not that important, but have no idea how to teach children so they can get more curiosity, grit, self-discipline, etc.
This book feels like exactly the one I need!
20210329 - 1. HOW TO FAIL (AND HOW NOT TO)
Paul Tough tries to solve the problem from the root causes, starting from how our brain works. So, it is possible to adapt to the worst environment, and act correctly for long term benefit!
Now I start to understand why meditation helps us to handle the challenges in modern society. It helps us to avoid harmful reaction, then we are not going to get ulcer or blood pee under huge stress. Ulcer and blood pee don't really help.
Furthermore, to some extend, external stimulation and internal change (thoughts and feeling) can change our DNA. Eckhart Tolle is right: we can change our brain and our body.
The most powerful external stimulation happens before one year old. Sensitive care ensure the baby the sense of security and reliability, which change the DNA. When we believe we are safe, our mind start to think about other important things. Or else, we are more likely focusing on short term aims, and don't care much about the future. When we believe the world is running by rules, we start to analyse those rules. Or else, we would believe that there are no rules, and randomness decides everything, which means it's useless to study/work hard.
20210403 - 2. HOW TO BUILD CHARACTER
Human personality BIG FIVE: agreeableness, extraversion, neuroticism, openness to experience, and conscientiousness. ( https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Big_Five_personality_traits , https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Hierarchical_structure_of_the_Big_Five , https://zh.wikipedia.org/wiki/%E4%BA%94%E5%A4%A7%E6%80%A7%E6%A0%BC%E7%89%B9%E8%B4%A8 )
Seven strengths most important: grit, self-control, zest, social intelligence, gratitude, optimism, curiosity. Below is the "character assessment card"
Keys to Success – Character Assessment
ZEST
• Actively Participates
• Shows Enthusiasm
• Invigorates Others
GRIT
• Finishes whatever he/she begins
• Tries very hard even after experiencing failure
• Works independently with focus
SELF-CONTROL SCHOOL-WORK
• Comes to class prepared
• Pays attention and resists distraction
• Remembers and follows directions
• Gets to work right away rather than procrastinating
SELF-CONTROL INTERPERSONAL
• Remains calm even with criticized or otherwise provoked
• Allows others to speak without interruption
• Is polite to adults and peers
• Keeps his/her temper in check
OPTIMISM
• Gets over frustrations and setbacks quickly
• Believes that effort will improve his/her future
GRATITUDE
Recognizes and shows appreciation for others
Recognizes and shows appreciation for his/her opportunities
SOCIAL INTELLIGENCE
• Is able to find solutions during conflicts with others
• Demonstrates respect for feelings of others
• Knows when and how to include others
CURIOSITY
• Is eager to explore new things
• Asks and answers questions to deepen understanding
• Actively listens to others
I believe it's great to do the same character assessment for myself and my son, maybe fortnightly. So we can measure and track the ratings. Anything we can measure, we can improve it!
Low income family kids are quite different from the children in high income families. The shortcut for the low income kids to catch up, is to replicate those good personal traits. Virtues are just habits.
Then how about Curiosity? Can we really get curious about the world through good habits? This leads to one specific question: is it possible to make some person to love reading?
20210417 - 3. HOW TO THINK
"Cognitive flexibility is the ability to see alternative solutions to problems, to think outside the box, to negotiate unfamiliar situations. Cognitive self-control is the ability to inhibit an instinctive or habitual response and substitute a more effective, less obvious one." - Cognition determines destiny. p114
When we play chess, we always have choices to make different moves. We face the same situation in our lives. We always have choices to go along different road.
"It's uncomfortable to focus so intensely on what you're bad at." p115
We hate falsification. This is decided by our gene. But we need it to see the real world. How can I encourage/force myself to do that?
At macro level, we need to be optimistic; at micro level, we need to be pessimistic.
What I want vs what I need vs what I choose. Grit is the key to change our destiny.
If we think about something from time to time, all the time, we actually spend a lot of time on the task. Distance = Time * Speed. If we spend a lot of time on some task, we will get great progress. We build habit to progress effectively.
Confirmation bias: (p138)
Guess pattern: 2-4-6
Good teachers helps a lot, but it takes a lot of time for each student.
Is it possible to help most of the poor students? From what I can see, NO.
There is no silver bullet. Each correct step helps a bit, and it may need hundreds of steps for significant changes.
Then how to help any specific child? If he/she is under 12, we can force them to build good habit; but if he/she is above 12, we can only talk to help them "wake up".
20210420 - 5. A BETTER PATH
Our life target should not be "avoiding failure". It should also not be "pursue success". The experience is more important. However, I don't completely agree with Paul Tough. I think we should minimize risk, try new things at low cost.
If all organization work perfectly, we can help most of the kids from poor families. But that require everything goes well. I think the foundation is more important: let most of the people get a decent job. Then they will not always get bored. They can learn something which means improve themselves. Then they get the probability to build a happy family. Without this base, the progress is not solid, and may collapse at any time.
It sounds cruel, but I think that the first step should be prevent young women getting pregnant when they are not ready. Then, help them to understand how to lead children to success, then help the children to overcome the obstacles.
Again, in my opinion, a decent job is the most critical step for parents to raise successful children.
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