Book: 20240525 to 20240824, "The Truth: An Uncomfortable Book About Relationships" by Neil Strauss

20240525 - Prologue: The hand you are dealt face down

20240608 - Infidelity

This book is one level higher than "The Game".

How to build healthy relationship in spite of the restriction of biological restriction of males?

Based on game theory, female needs commitment from male to breed children, and male doesn't want that. Male want to take advantage of the disadvantage of female.

The conflicts are inevitable.

"Self-deprecation is still self-worship. It's the flip side of the same coin. It's still about self."

"Remember that humor is a wall. It's a form of denial, just the same as repression, rationalization, globalization, and minimization." p85

Any time you overreact to something - by shutting down, losing your temper, sulking, feeling hopeless, freaking out, disassociating, or any of numerous other dysfunctional behaviors - it's typically because an old would has been triggered. p89

Our intelligence come from our past experience, which is also the result of big data training. How can we fix/optimize the system? We need the courage to face our real selves. We should not follow our subconsciousness. Instead, we need to asking ourselves all the time: What should I do now? What should I say? What should I do next time to improve it? Live in the present moment.

"Only when our love for someone exceeds our need for them do we have a shot at a genuine relationship together." p97

Psychiatry is real, but only works well on typical patients, I think. It can rewire their subconsciousness. But for most of people, their mind is in grey area. I don't think psychiatrists can help them. However, those people can help themselves if they understand how things work.

20240621 - Exclusivity

My understanding:

Nurturing is high cost activity to women, but is low cost to men.

Woman know whether the child is theirs, but man are not sure until recent time.

Combine these two features together, exclusivity becomes the best choice to both genders.

However, modern society changed them a bit. Single mother is not as hard as before now, and man can check whether the children are theirs.

Then it becomes harder to maintain monogamy.

20240809 - Alternatives

The polygamy stuff doesn't go well.

I think our lives need a anchor.

Family is very important, but we need something solid to consume our time.

The purpose of gene is to survive and evolve. The purpose of individual is something about time.

We are all led by dopamine. Gene use it to control the body. Zen gives us the power to break this control. We should get rid of those cheap dopamine generated by our brain.

Can polygamy handle kids breeding? Like the family of lions? Woman can only get a fraction of support from their male partner, which make life harder for them. How do those woman know that they get fair cut from their male partner? It's inefficient.

Without kids, polygamy is possible. But, we are most likely to regret when getting old, because our gene will not be happy.

What is the dopamine for AGI?

I used to think that a good relationship meant always getting along. But the secret, I realize, is that when one person shuts down or throws a fit, the other needs to stay in the adult ego state. p246

The hard part is about how to respond. That needs learning and practice.

Pepper:"So I would like to recommend that you all try to de-center Neil a little." p258

Emotionly, they need to connect to each other directly to build a team.

Reid Mihalko:"My invitation for each of you is to spend more time asking for what you want rather than asking everyone else what they want, you will speed up your growth by being selfish. So imagine that the people you're looking at can actually take care of themselves." p265

Do all entrepreneurs need to understand these stuff?

Neil is chasing perfect sexual relationship. But perfect sexual relationship is a bit like perfect food, perfect cloth, perfect shelter or perfect car. Do we really need them to feel happy? Is there anything else more worthy?

If yes, then what is it?

Should we hold the attitude of minimalist towards sex and relationship?

The success of a relationship should be measured by its depth, not by its length. p334

Based on "Thinking, fast and slow", both the depth and the ending are important.

Yoda : Train yourself to let go... of everything you fear to lose.

Let go unnecessary desire and habit, then we can control our lives. That's the core of minimalism.

It's easy to verify whether I can let go of everything: how much time I spend on web surfing? Do I regret how I spend my time?

20240823 - Anhedonia

We have to reduce the distractions of our mind, or else, it cannot focus on long term goal.

Boredom is most painful. We need to take it.

20240824 - Freedom

Some people believe most of the psychological issues are related to sex. This book says it's related to childhood experiences.

I don't agree with any of them. What we experienced in the past 5 years is more important in my opinion.

20240824 - Epilogue: When the wild card is played, is it still wild?

Don't expect to change other people. 

I would help a bit if other people want to change, but only miracle can change them.

When something goes wrong, it's more likely caused by something wrong in ourselves.