Book: 20250315 to 20250615, "How to talk to anyone" by Leil Lowndes

20250314 - Preface: Having It All

Communication skills are very important. But itself alone doesn't guarantee success. Far from it.

Acting in drama in college play could help a lot. We can learn how to observe others and ourselves, and how to present to people what you want to show them.

20250315 - Part 1: You Only Have Ten Seconds To Show You’re a Somebody

The way you look and the way you move is more than 80 per cent of someone's first impression of you. Not one word need be spoken. p3

Correct!

However, although the first 10 seconds is important, it's not critical.
It just make things much eaiser.

20250315 - Chapter 1: The Flooding Smile

Wait for a split of a second, to one second, before starting to smile.

20250315 - Chapter 2: Sticky Eyes

20250315 - Chapter 3: Epoxy Eyes

20250315 - Chapter 4: Hang by Your Teeth

"Great posture, a heads-up look, a confident smile, and a direct gaze." The ideal image for somebody who's a Somebody. p19

20250315 - Chapter 5: The Big-Baby Pivot

20250315 - Chapter 6: Hello Old Friend

20250315 - Chapter 7: Limit the Fidget

20250315 - Chapter 8: Hans’s Horse Sense

20250316 - Chapter 9: Watch the Scene Before You Make the Scene

These tips are exaggerated, but they are still quite useful.

In most family, they are part of family education, but not everyone can get all of them from parents or private school.

20250316 - Part 2: What Do I Say After I Say “Hello”?

20250316 - Chapter 10: The Mood Match

Need to observe the mood of the other side, and then share it with them. Brilliant!

No one want to talk a rational high intelligent machine.

20250316 - Chapter 11: Prosaic with Passion

How do you put people at ease? By convincing them they are OK and that the two of you are similar. p49

20250316 - Chapter 12: Always Wear a Whatzit

The tips above need quite a lot of practices. Maybe not that hard.

20250316 - Chapter 13: Whoozat?

20250407 - Chapter 14: Eavesdrop In

20250407 - Chapter 15: Never the Naked City

Never, ever, give just a one-sentence response to the question..... Give the asker some fuel for his tank, some fodder for his trough. p60
Good idea! It's easier for ourselves to say something about our own thoughts.

20250408 - Chapter 16: Never the Naked Job

20250408 - Chapter 17: Never the Naked Introduction

This chapter reminds me of the book "Unleash the Power of Storytelling" by Rob Biesenbach.
We are not the center of this universe. No matter what we say or do, we should think about the reaction of the other side. What can they say about it? Is it easy for them to continue the conversation?

20250408 - Chapter 18: Be a Word Detective

20250408 - Chapter 19: The Swivelling Spotlight

20250408 - Chapter 20: Parroting

Is this the pattern we use in communication?

Crack the code, then we get good conversation. :-)

20250408 - Chapter 21: Encore!

Telling same story again and again means we are becoming old. We think too much about the past and too less about the future.

It seems that most of people enjoy it.

20250408 - Chapter 22: Ac-cen-tu-ate the Pos-i-tive

20250408 - Chapter 23: The Latest News… Don’t Leave Home Without It

20250408 - Part 3: How to Talk Like the Big Boys ‘N’ Girls

20250410 - Chapter 24: What Do You Do – NOT!

20250410 - Chapter 25: The Nutshell Resume

......at least punch up your life to sound interesting and dedicated. p95

To some extent, most of people's lives are boring. But all of them do some activities sounds interesting to other people. We need to express ourselves differently, but give other people inspiration to continue the conversation.

Our career is helping people, and everyone need help here and there, from time to time. In theory, other people want to know more about us, as they may need our help in the future. The key is to let them realize this point.

20250410 - Chapter 26: Your Personal Thesaurus

Needs habit to try new words.

20250410 - Chapter 27: Kill the Quick “Me, Too!”

You emerge as a confident Big Cat, not a lonely little stray, hungry for quick connection with a stranger. p103

20250410 - Chapter 28: Comm-YOU-nication

"I like your suit" vs "YOU look great in that suit."
This is similar to "could you ......"
We'd better pay more attention to other people instead of ourselves.

20250430 - Chapter 29: The Exclusive Smile

Smiling is a signal. Giving everyone same signal is dumb.

20250501 - Chapter 30: Don’t Touch a Cliche with a Ten-Foot Pole

It's not about "cliche" itself, but tell other people that you are boring.

20250501 - Chapter 31: Use Jawsmith’s Jive

There is no miracle. Intelligence come out of big data training.
AI will be very good at communication, especially public speaking.

20250501 - Chapter 32: Call a Spade a Spade

This is about confidence.
For little kitties, should they do that? I think it's better follow other people's suit.

20250501 - Chapter 33: Trash the Teasing

At a dinner party, just before making a toast, the host get a few wine droplets sloshed out of his glass onto the tablecloth. What can I say in this situation? p120

AI:

You can respond with a light-hearted or gracious comment to ease the moment and keep the mood positive. Here are a few tasteful options:

🍷 Humorous

“A small offering to the wine gods—may the rest stay in the glass!”
“It’s not a party until someone christens the tablecloth.”
“Well, the table wanted a taste too!”

🍇 Gracious and supportive

“No worries—it means the toast will be memorable!”
“That’s just enthusiasm spilling over.”
“A little spill never stopped a great toast.”

AI is really, really good at communication.

20250501 - Chapter 34: It’s the Receiver Ball

Think in other people's shoes.

20250501 - Chapter 35: The Broken Record

Repeat the same simple answer calmly if you don't want to answer it.

20250501 - Chapter 36: Big Shots Don’t Slobber

Appreciate the celebrity's achievement. Don't judge their work.

20250501 - Chapter 37: Never the Naked Thank You

Can we turn "thinking" into a habit? Yes.
This is also a good way to avoid autopiloted life.

20250501 - Part 4: How to Be an Insider in Any Crowd

You must have knowledgeable curiosity, the kind that makes you sound like you're worth talking to. p134

20250501 - Chapter 38: Scramble Therapy

Once a month, scramble your life. Do something you'd never dream of doing. p138

This is what I can do even before retirement! Sounds a lot of fun!

20250502 - Chapter 39: Learn a Little Gobbledygook

Learn a bit about everything helps. And, preparation is important.

Do some homework before the party!

20250502 - Chapter 40: Baring Their Hot Button

If we know what is the interest of other people, surely we can make good conversation with them.

20250502 - Chapter 41: Read Their Rags

Know some basic background information of the conversation partner helps a lot.

Or read broadly.

20250502 - Chapter 42: Clear “Customs”

Know other people's Taboo.

20250502 - Chapter 43: Bluffing for the Bargains

Too complicated.

It's better just get more options.

20250502 - Part 5: Why, We’re Just Alike

People want to stay with people alike.

There is something quite hard to hide.

20250502 - Chapter 44: Be a Copycat

Remember, you are your customers' buying experience. Therefore you are part of the product they're buying. p163
No matter what we want to do in next step, think about this!

20250531 - Chapter 45: Echoing

"They can call it whatever the heck they please. And, if I want to make the sale, I'd better call it the same thing." p167

20250531 - Chapter 46: Potent Imaging

To give your points more power and punch, use analogies from your listener's world, not your own. p172

AI will be very, very good at this. It knows everything about us, and it knows all analogies.

It's scary.

20250531 - Chapter 47: Employ Empathizers

20250531 - Chapter 48: Automatically Correct Empathizers

Follow the other side to choose eyes, ears or gut.

20250531 - Chapter 49: The Premature We

Four levels of intimacy: cliches, facts, "feelings and personal questions" and "we, us and our"

Scramble the signals in their psyche by skipping conversational levels one and two, and cutting right to levels three and four. p181

20250601 - Chapter 50: Instant History

20250601 - Part 6: The Power of Praise, The Folly of Flattery

20250601 - Chapter 51: Gravine Glory

From the other side, we should only say good things about other people. When have to let out negative words, we should focus on events/actions, not any person.

20250601 - Chapter 52: Carrier Pigeon Kudos

Carrier pigeon kudos sounds good, but relevant clippings could be annoying.

In information explosion age, we don't have time for extra clippings.

20250601 - Chapter 53: Implied Magnificence

20250601 - Chapter 54: Accidental Adulation

20250601 - Chapter 55: The Killer Compliment

"search for one attractive, specific, and unique quality he or she has." p198

20250601 - Chapter 56: Little Strokes

Appreciate specific little effort means a lot.

20250601 - Chapter 57: The Knee-Jerk “Wow”

Big Winners realize that sensitivity to an insecure performer's ego takes momentary precedence over their deep commitment to the truth. p203

20250601 - Chapter 58: Boomeranging

"I'm so happy you told me......"

"That's so nice of you to tell me. I appreciate your positive feedback." p206

Use long sentence instead of "thanks".

20250601 - Chapter 59: The Tombstone Game

What would I like engraved on my tombstone?

I think the answer may change every a few years for most of people.

20250602 - Part 7: Direct Dial Their Hearts

20250602 - Chapter 60: Talking Gestures

20250602 - Chapter 61: Name Shower

20250602 - Chapter 62: Oh Wow, It’s You

Everyone wants to be special. Hint the caller that your happiness is caused by their phone call.

Communication is good anyway.

20250602 - Chapter 63: The Sneaky Screen

Don't let the callers feel that they need to pass some check to reach the VIP.

20250602 - Chapter 64: Salute the Spouse

Anybody who is close enough to answer the phone is close enough to sway the VIP's opinion of you. p227

20250602 - Chapter 65: What color is your time?

Whenever you place a call, always - not occasionally, not frequently - always ask: Is this a good time to talk? p230

20250602 - Chapter 66: Constantly Changing Outgoing Message

This one seems outdated.
Should I change my account description on social media platform?
No. It's for thousands of strangers who don't have much interest about myself.

20250602 - Chapter 67: Your Ten-Second Audition

The message you leave is your te-second audition. p237

This is also outdated. But we do need to treat each email seriously, as it could be a similar 10 second audition.

20250602 - Chapter 68: The Ho-Hum Caper

20250613 - Chapter 69: “I Hear Your Other Line”

20250613 - Chapter 70: Instant Replay

Automatically record all phone calls are good idea! But, it's not legal.
We can get around it, with extra effect. Maybe not worth it.

20250613 - Part 8: How to Work a Party Like a Politician Works a Room

Six-Point Party Checklist: Who? When? What? Why? Where? And How? p247

In my opinion, it's all about Why.

What's the purpose of this part's hoster/hostess? Why I should go there? Why other people want to go there?

20250613 - Chapter 71: Munching or Mingling

Politicians always eat before they come to the party. Therefore they never hold food or drink at a party. p252

Interesting! I think this is for "professional" party attender. For most of people, it's OK to relax and enjoy the time there.

20250613 - Chapter 72: Rubberneck the Room

20250613 - Chapter 73: Be The Chooser, Not the Choosee

20250613 - Chapter 74: Come Hither-Hands

20250614 - Chapter 75: Tracking

20250614 - Chapter 76: The Business Card Dossier

20250614 - Chapter 77: Eyeball Selling

Eyeball selling is simply keeping eyes open, watching his customer's reactions, and adjustinghis sales pitch according to how his customer's body moves. p269

This is the ultimate trick. It can only happen if we don't live on autopilot, and pay attention to the moment.

Our IO and thinking need to be much faster than the subject.

20250614 - Part 9: Little Tricks of Big Winners

20250614 - Chapter 78: See No Blooper, Hear No Bloopers

We should always focus on important things/people/words/events, ignore the distracting minor things and events.

The real value of this book starts from chapter 77.

20250614 - Chapter 79: Lend a Helping Tongue

20250614 - Chapter 80: Bare the Buried WIIFM

Whenever you suggest a meeting or ask a favour, divulge the respective benefits(for both sides). p284

This save a lot of communication cost, and tells other people that you are honest and are easy to work with.

20250614 - Chapter 81: Let’em Savour the Favour

Why do people want to make phone call or take action immediately? To reduce uncertainty.

Is that good? Most likely not.

We need to avoid actions out of impulse or gut feeling, and need more time to think it over and prepare for the action.

It's better to hit at the right moment, instead of hitting as soon as possible.

20250614 - Chapter 82: Tit for (Wait…Wait) Tat

I think this depends on two points.

1. How big is the favour.

2. How well educated the favour asker is.

20250614 - Chapter 83: Parties are for Pratter

When the big players try to relax ourselves in a party, they don't want to talk about business. Especially after they drank quite a bit.

20250614 - Chapter 84: Dinner’s for Dining

20250614 - Chapter 85: Chance Encounters Are for Chitchat

20250614 - Chapter 86: Empty Clear Tanks

It takes time to empty someone's tank, and that may cost a lot. Some people, especially eld people, may spend hours recall aged memory or complain. What should we do in that case?

If she/he is important to you, then just wait patiently. There is always some positive side in their words.