Book: 20221127 to 20230205, "Talking to strangers" by Gladwell, Malcolm

20221128 - Introduction: "Step out of the car!" 1

Most of conflicts were caused by benefit conflicts. But a lot were caused by misunderstanding.

Do we deserve to get this for free? Is it our rights to get this for free? This type of questions belong to the former.

This book focuses on the latter.

It's safe to say "good morning" to almost anyone, but further conversation could be dangerous.

PART ONE: SPICE AND DIPLOMATS: TWO PUZZLES
20221128 - ONE: Fidel Castro’s Revenge 17

Puzzle Number One: Why can't we tell when the stranger in front of us is lying to our face? p27

Our subconsciousness is not reliable. It's not based on the first principle. How can we crack it?

20221128 - TWO: Getting in Know de Fuhrer 28

Puzzle Number Twe: How is it that meeting a stranger can sometimes make us worse at making sense of that person than not meeting them? p43

We are always looking for narratives to explain whatever we see or hear. But quite often this narrative is just our imagination. Nothing related to the reality. It's misleading.

AI make judgement based on evidence, instead of narratives. That's much better.

Can we make judgement in the stock market based on evidence? Or do the same thing for hiring? Where does these narratives come from? I think it comes from our subconsciousness. We need to calm down, and always look for evidence.

PART TWO: DEFAULT TO TRUTH
20221205 - THREE: The Queen of Cuba 53

Why are people defaulted to truth? Because, since 6 million of years ago, our gene learned that cooperation and trust lead to survive.

Interview is like battle between different narratives. Each side try to explain what he/she see and hear, based on their understanding of the world. Open mindset let people get closer to reality, but, will that make people happier?

Can Buddha easily tell other people's lies? Can he avoid all kinds of psychological fallacy?

20221214 - FOUR: The Holy Fool 89

How much doubt we should take as enough doubt? 'To a man with a hammer, everything looks like a nail' (Abraham Maslow) No matter the hammer is "trust" or "suspicious".

This is the problem we need to avoid. Don't trust our intuition, instead, look for evidences. We are most likely not be able of finding enough evidence, then, it's about our perception of the world.

20221215 - FIVE: Case Study: The Boy in the Shower 107

Should we trust strangers by default? I think, it depends. In normal daily life, we should. But if there are some signals strange, and the potential result is dreadful, we need to think it over.

This is also the difference between survival and creative attitude. We need to take necessary cautious, and avoid unnecessary risk.

PART THREE: TRANSPARENCY
20221231 - SIX: The Friends Fallacy 145

The advantage that the judge has over the computer isn't actually an advantage. p165

What judge see and hear is more likely to be noise instead of signal. Real things are much trickier than what we see in Sitcom.

We should judge by people's action, instead of their demeanour. If their demeanour is much better than their actions, quite possible that they are trying to deceive. But, if their appearance is much worse than their actions, they could be the best choice. Can we just a company this way?

This principle applies to not just people, but also organizations, such as companies and governments.

20221231 - SEVEN: A (Short) Explanation of the Amanda Knox Case 168

Why sometimes people's behaviour mismatch with their demeanour? I think that's because of self-hypnosis. People always build a story to support/rationalize their actions, which make them believe that what they did is right. This reminds me of the book "How to make friends and influence people", the man killed a traffic policeman for almost no reason, and still believe his was a good man.

What should we do to avoid discriminate those "mismatched" people? I think it's about the balance of productivity and justice. Under natural selection, these people may get extra reward or get extra punishment. If we remove all extra punishment, then there will be more and more people mismatched, the productivity of the society will drop.

I guess not much we can do or should to to change the society, but we can be careful to avoid similar problems.

20230116 - EIGHT: Case Study: The Fraternity Party 187

Alcohol itself is not the problem. Alcohol + boredom is.

What would happen when a Zen master get drunk? What's the relationship between boredom and laziness?

Alcohol and other drugs worse our perception and recognition of the external environment, such as myopia. It is harder or even impossible to communicate with drunken people. However, up to today, as I know, most of people still believe they have close to perfect rationalities, which can overcome those drugs.

Alcohol can bring happiness to us. Just don't rely on alcohol to get joy.

PART FOUR: LESSONS
20230127 - NINE: KSM: What Happens When the Stranger Is a Terrorist? 235

When we are under extreme stress, our brain would try to figure out away to handle it. Unfortunately, our mind is more likely to make some unreal stories to convince itself.

So what should we do? Verify possible explanations. However, that cost time. Then, we need to find creative way to verify assumption quickly/at low cost.

PART FIVE: COUPLING
20230128 - TEN: Sylvia Plath 265

Suicide is coupled. p280

Our behaviour is decided by both conscious and subconscious. Most people don't recognize the huge impact of our subconscious. Zen masters are the one who get full harmony with their subconscious, so their conscious can control their mood and even their behaviour.

Don't look at the stranger and jump to conclusions. Look at the stranger's world! p296

20230204 - ELEVEN: Case Study: The Kansas City Experiment 297

How to solve "quantum mechanism" style problem? Find the scope of the problem, then actively do something to try to solve it. This doesn't guarantee a solution, but may give us better chance to win. 

20230205 - TWELVE: Sandra Bland 313

Judge people by their deeds, not just by their words and appearance. This is the way to understand strangers, but it takes a lot of time.

Based on the book "Noises", AI can do the best job, but may do so with slightly over 50% correct rate.

Quantum Mechanism tells us, things change when we start to observe it. There is no way to easily understand strangers.